GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN
R N B Punchies with GLC
The Empress Ballroom in Blackpool that has previously welcomed Julian Clary and his gyrating wannabes was host to Feeder tonight and the fun, punch-packing support act of Newport’s Goldie Lookin' Chain. The back entrance was seemingly decorated with cold, but loyal fans obviously waiting for a sighting of Grant. However, a further enquiry evoked the response;
“No, we are here for GLC!”
So was I, and I headed in to meet and greet the eight strong rap/hip-hop posse. Upon my arrival I was greeted with some early comedy, as the guys were amused at the site of a medical style treatment bed in their dressing room. One of them immediately through himself onto it and relaxed luxuriously;
“They obviously knew we were coming.”
The inevitable starting point was the song writing process of GLC. How in blazers does that work? Answers were fired at me with brevity and wit (that guy in Hamlet was right; brevity is the soul of wit);
“Shit & sellotape.”
“It’s like having sex.”
“I do the nouns and he does the verbs’ was Xain’s contribution.
“I do the alliteration.”
“I do the gaps in the words. People don’t understand the importance of the gaps!”
Well, they all seem witty and coherent, but how do they resolve any creative differences that are bound to arise?
“R N B Punchies, to be precise”
They could see from the perplexed look on my face that further clarification was needed. The bearded Mysty kindly obliged;
“What you do is you shout out the name of a famous R N B artist and punch someone in the belly with each syllable pronounced. Beyonce is one punch.”
The others further enlightened me;
“Just-in Tim-Ber-Lake is a bastard.’
“Black Eyed Peas is one of the worst.”
Mysty then sought to justify this pursuit;
“We are always inventing games to keep ourselves entertained and to team build.”
I was very intrigued at this juncture, but keen to move on before I became embroiled in a game of punchies and ended up on the wrong side of Jennifer Lopez. What other games have you created then?
The latter appeared to be Maggot’s favourite given the swiftness of his response, but it was down to Mysty again to blow away my cloud of smoke about this pursuit.;
“You have to get a rucksack that can take your body weight and then two of your mates hold onto it.”
Well, having taken a moment to regain my perspective it was time to pick at the fruits of their creative processes. Second album ‘Safe As Fuck’ contains the light hearted swipe at the Americanisation of our legal system, through institutions like the small claims court in ‘Bad Boy Limp’. There does seem to be a hint of seriousness to them in this offering though, as they draw attention to the ambulance chasing culture that is emerging. Is this true? Adam looked proud and professional, as he took on the reply;
“Hell yeah, it is serious; people need to know how much money there is to be made from these people. Have you ever had anyone come up to you in the street and ask if you have ever had a trip or a fall?”
“Numerous times” I have. Mysty then raised an interesting point;
“Well, what if you were distracted whilst paying attention to them? What would happen if you then tripped and fell?”
GLC demonstrate retro inclinations that would make The Strokes throw down their Television records in despair, by utilizing the Grange Hill Theme Tune in ‘Adam’s Charm School’. Have they ever thought of covering or remixing the other song from that programme; ‘Just Say No’?
“That would be blinding; Just Say; Hell Yeah!”
The authoritative Adam interjected at this point;
“It is a cover anyway isn’t it?”
“Oh right, I dunno.” I shrugged and blushed slightly at having my ignorance illuminated.
“Yeah, it was a cover of a song done by an American group.”
You have to admit that it is an intriguing line up; GLC on a Feeder bill. Will they change their set or their stage behaviour at all?
“Well, you know that Highway To Brecon Tour that we have just headlined?”
“I certainly do.”
“Well, most nights we asked everyone to put their hands in the air. Then one of us would say who wants to wank me off??”
“We won’t be doing that tonight or in any of our shows with Feeder.”
They say that a good interviewer can pre-empt the answer from a band and retort with something witty or a cutting follow up question. Well, I defy anyone who could have anticipated that response. So, in moments like this you just have to take solace and use the crutch of a standard question, in order to hobble on; which of your songs sums up your current mood? Hatsy kindly took the lead;
“R N B; there’s a lot of love in that one. It is tender and delicate.”
Stage time was approaching so I opted to play the nostalgia card. Do they miss Newport County F.C. who sadly left the football league some time ago?
“I don’t miss the dog shit at the turn-styles. It always seemed to be there.”
Maybe they should reform the team with a few mates and have that as the emblem?
“What dog shit on turn-styles?” Questioned Adam.
I was not going to let them go without giving them a chance to hit back at their critics who have dubbed them a bunch of schoolboy pranksters. This was greeted with a collective shrug, before Mysty retorted;
“I used to write better sentences in school.”
I made my way out into the viewing area, where I noticed some very young Feeder fans with their parents. They were about to learn a lesson that is, and, never will be part of the curriculum. Opener ‘Shit 2 Me’ fired out their rap fuelled distaste for a certain form of music with gusto and sailor language;
"P Diddy means shit to me, J-Lo means shit to me, F@#k you Alicia Keys…"
This was done with such endearing spirit that people forgot to flinch, or they were too shocked to do so? The irreverent and insightful ‘Bad Boy Limp’ followed, taking on a Public Enemy style swipe at the legal system and advertising where you can get easy cash, by way of a ripping jingle rap.
The popular ‘Guns Don’t Kill People, Rappers Do’ from their ‘Greatest Hits’ album, was shocking for the fact that it became a sing-along crowd friendly number. The set ended with the buoyant ‘Your Mother's Got A Penis’ that had Feeder fans bouncing like fleas on a floor of hot coals. Tonight, GLC certainly smashed through musical boundaries and left a lasting impression.
Words: David Adair
"R'n'B" is out now on Must Destroy
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